Saturday, May 10, 2008

Big Shiny Trucks

Today I had to leave work for a few minutes to go take my youngest child home from an activity she had attended. Naturally, I was in a wee bit of a hurry as I didn't want to miss too much work. Maybe I was speeding just a teeny bit, but I was totally focused, eyes darting left and right and back again, mirror check, lane change...GO!

I stopped quickly at the bank to grab some cash, just in case the youngster wanted to buy a book (she did, they were over priced, I still have cash in my wallet). As I pulled out of the bank a big, shiny, black done up to the balls truck whizzed around the corner, trapping me in the far right hand lane (read turn lane grrrrrr). I sped up, he sped up. I put my signal on, he sped up. Light turned red, had to stop. Penis extension, I mean, shiny black truck pulls up beside me. I'm trying to see past him to gauge oncoming traffic, he inches forward.

By this time I'm thinking OK DICKHEAD, just cuz God gave ya one doesn't mean ya have to be one. He has this damn winch on the front of his shiny black truck, sticking out from the polished chrome bumper and his inching forward has totally blinded my view to the left.

I am livid by this point. I slowly inch out then figure EFF IT, I'm already out there, so I turn. Cut through the grocery store parking lot and get back out to where I need to be ... ahead of Richard Cranium I might add ... cuz that's important.

I get to where I need to be and there's not a parking place to be had. Who has a plant sale AND a writing seminar/book sale for kids on the same freaken day!!!!! THINK people !!!! For the love of God... THINK.

Finally get the kid, take her home and arrive back at work. As I'm reliving this particular experience I am left to wonder:

-are there certain people for whom a gas pedal is an option?

-how about signal lights...are there models in which they don't exist?

-why do short men suffering from little man syndrome feel the need to buy the biggest, baddest, most tricked out pick-up they can find and proceed to be the biggest ass on the road? Do they think it makes them more appealing to the opposite sex? Cuz I have news for them ... really.

-why do I see the hottest guy I've seen in a while when I have my youngest tagging along and I have to hurry back to work (read cannot strike up a flirty conversation). Helloooooo Murphy.... you're killin' me here!!!!!

-why when I'm in a hurry does time seem to stand still and not move?

These are things I wonder about today.


Dalmatian90 said...

If my truck is a penis extension, I'm a basketcase of veneral disease...

Jenn said...

Was that YOU at the corner ???