Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I know you hear me...but are you listening?

I've recently had some conversations with various people regarding the dying art of communication, as I know it. Apparently for the younger generations communication IS the cold, lack of human touch electronic messaging that we see so much of today.

Anyway, I digress from my main point tonight...

How many times do we speak to people and wonder are they even listening? Or how many times are we physically present in a conversation, but mentally elsewhere?

At work today, ok at work everyday I experience this and on really busy days it makes me wish I could reach through the phone and shake the shit out of some people. I book hotels for men who are out in the field, needless to say I speak to a LOT of front desk clerks. I am very much a say what I have to say person, and then I move on.... NEXT.

Here's a typical booking:

Me: Hi, this is **** from *** *********. I'd like to book a single, non-smoking room for one night beginning tonight, it's for one of our employees.

FD Agent: Could you hold for one moment please?

Me: Sure

FD Agent: Sorry about that I just had to switch phones.

Me: that's ok

FD Agent: Soooo what kind of room did you want?

Me: Single, non-smoking

FD Agent: Okkk *insert various mouth noises*, uuuhhhh soooo a single

Me: that's right

FD Agent: and would like smoking or non?

Me: non

(by this time I'm flipping the bird at the phone and mentally I'm having a totally separate conversation, in which I am able to say EXACTLY what I'm thinking. I actually worry sometimes that I may slip up and say what I'm thinking... Generally I'm thinking you stupid f**k, did I not just TELL you exactly what I wanted at the beginning of the conversation...arrrggghhhhh. Then I'm getting pissed off at the "choo choo chaa chaa" mouth noises people seem to feel the need to make when concentrating.... what's up with that, can't you just silently stick your tongue out the side of your mouth?)

FD Agent: uuhhhhh...... sooooooo a single non-smoking ... ooookkkk and how long did you want that for?

Me: One night starting tonight.

FD Agent: and when would they be coming in?

Me (as I am biting my tongue so hard I taste blood): t o n i g h t (Gawd, I wonder how much slower I will have to speak, perhaps I should just draw a picture and fax it? 1 stick man, on 1 bed in a room with only 1 bed and a no smoking sign, with a calendar that has only today's date on it?)

FD Agent: Ok **** (and usually they get my name VERY wrong) sooooooooo that's a single, non-smoking, coming in tonight ........and how will you be guaranteeing the room?

Me: I have a visa that will pay room and tax, I will fax you an authorization

FD Agent: oookkkk and how will you be paying, with a c/c ? what type?

Me: (repeat my above comment) give my c/c number

FD Agent: okkkkk and do you need an authorization form ?

Me: nooooo, I have one already filled out, I've actually faxed it to you while we were talking.

FD Agent: oohhhhh ok thank you then.

Me: thank you , have a great day.

Is it any wonder we get stressed out during the course of our days??? Must we all multi-task so much in our current positions that we lack the mental space to actually concentrate on a conversation and what is being said?

I am also guilty of "not listening", I hear but I don't really listen. I can't tell you the number of times that my kids have come and asked me for something while I've been concentrating on something else and I'll absently say "yeah yeah, go ahead". Then a few minutes later I'm freaking out on them wondering why they are doing what they are doing. Who told them they could do that???? Guess what Mom, YOU DID!!!!! I've learned to give them my undivided attention when they are speaking to me.

We could all improve upon our listening skills. It's all a part of effective communication. Think how much smoother, not to mention how much more expediently things would get done if we all practiced listening better.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I get up early. Most days I'm up at least 3 hrs before I have to leave the house. Many people who know this look at me like I've just grown three heads and gasp "WHY".

Simple! It's MY time. It is time that I do not have to worry about hearing anyone say "Mom", I don't have to worry about the phone; I am totally and completely free from all responsibilities for a brief moment. I can just sit sipping my coffee lost in my own thoughts, I can immerse myself in that book I've been reading, I can have uninterrupted time to write, I can workout, I can plot and plan ..... the possibilities for my morning time are endless!!

I cherish my time, especially since my children are older; they don't go to bed as early and some days it feels as though there is someone around me from the time I get up until the time I go to bed. Alone time is so important. It allows us to reconnect with ourselves, to be in touch with our inner most thoughts and feelings. It is time that allows us to explore ourselves, perhaps offering a gentle reminder of who we are. Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of ourselves when we are busy "living".

Besides, getting up this early enables me to see some pretty spectacular sunrises !!!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Disasterous Dating

I've been more or less single for 6 years. In the past 2 yrs I've decided to seriously "date" and hopefully meet my life partner. Life partner, that has become the most laughable thing in my life to date.

First, there was the guy who dated me for 3 months and couldn't seem to bring himself to do the deed. He ended up dumping me over the phone, after having been gone out of town for the weekend, supposedly collecting his father's belongings from a storage unit (silly me). Said he didn't have time for a relationship, yet he has texted me on occasion over the last 18 months. At one point suggesting that "maybe" we could have coffee sometime, said I should call him "during the day"; I just don't understand why he got offended when I questioned the "during the day" thing ...... I mean all I asked was did he have a wife at home that he was stepping out on. JERK

So I joined online dating. Oh what fun that's been. First guy from there, very damaged. We saw each other for a while, a short while. Great conversationalist, even better sex. Met his two bi-sexual friends who kept trying to pick me up, well one of them tried, the other one I think was confused. That was an experience ... one I'd rather live without repeating. Then he informs me that he's dumping me because his 26 y/o rebound romance (did I mention that he was 41?) had phoned him and wanted to try again. This idiot sat there, looking me in the eye, apologizing but asking me to understand as they just had this monumental "connection" that he'd never experienced with anyone before .........was deja vu for me as he'd said the exact same thing regarding me. I was hurt, but my faith in Karma was restored when the 26 y/o fling thing dumped his ass because he'd impregnated his 28 y/o confused bisexual friend. HAHAHAHAHA. JACKASS

Then there was the guy from work (first mistake), who was 8 years younger (second mistake, BIG ego boost) who decided after 3 months that he didn't want to date someone with kids. Now I realize that my keeping them duct taped in the closet for three months and then just springing them on him was probably not the best thing ....... ah hindsight. ASS.

Then there was the guy who was widowed, poor soul. Was left with two young boys to raise, oh how hard it was. Never gave me any indication that he was anything other than widowed, I could contact him whenever I wanted. Caught him in a lie, did a little digging (knew someone who worked with him) and found out he was Mr. Widowed-Not-So-Much. I'm sure he goes home each night on edge until he figures out what mood his wife is in...I asked him how she'd like to know that he was telling women she was dead so that he could get some. I would never phone, but I giggle when I think the cheating bastard will end up hanging himself. FAITHLESS PIG

Recently I had the pleasure of going for coffee with a really nice guy. We laughed, we joked, we conversed... we closed the coffee shop down and continued to talk in the parking lot. He asked if I'd like to do it again... why sure, of course. After 10 days (to credit him I had gone back on shift and didn't have days off again until day 10) he contacted me to ask if I'd like to go for dinner. Sure I would; Friday it is! I was excited, haven't had a date in 6 months, so I buy a new outfit. Talk to him on phone night before, all is great! Get all dolled up and ready to go. FORTY-FIVE minutes before we are to be eating he TEXTS me to say "I think I have to cancel, I'm just not feeling the chemistry". WTF Over??? I didn't even dignify his cowardice with a response. RUDE

I find myself thinking at times ... is it any wonder why some women switch teams ?! Dating as an adult is a whole different ballgame than dating as a teen/young adult. However, I can say this, the "boys" now sure try just as hard if not harder to get into your pants. Guess some things never change.

For now I am still holding out hope that someday I'll meet my Mr. Right; for now I'm happy and content with the status quo.


Finally, I have broke down and joined the blogging world.

Seeing as I seem to have an opinion on almost everything, and I like to write this should be a good fit for me. Yet as I sit here looking at my brand new blog spot, I feel that tightening in my chest... nooooo it's not and MI...but uncertainty. Will I be interesting enough to make others wish to read what I have to say. Will feedback be kind?

Time will tell. Tonight I am far too scattered to type much more than this vague ramble.

Thanks to Becca for turning me onto this place :D You rock g/f!!!!