I am a writer.
Yep, that's right, you read correctly...I AM A WRITER.
It has taken me a lifetime to get that through my head. I have tried various career paths and none ever seemed to be a fit. I have always written, and that always fits.
Sometimes it is just too easy to ignore what is right in front of our eyes, it is easy to overlook what we already possess and seek to obtain something more. I am done overlooking and I am done seeking. I am ready to embrace the talent God gave me. I am ready to face my fears and just write.
Fears you ask? Well up to this point I have written a smattering of poetry; good poetry mind you; and children's stories. But now... Now I want to write a novel. It is going to be a fictional account based strongly on true events. Going from writing short stories and one page poems to a novel scares the begeezus out of me. I don't feel disciplined enough, I don't feel experienced enough, what if I cannot focus... what if I cannot get it right...
I am writing it in memory of my dear, dear friend. My friend who was so much like the sister I never had and always wanted. The friend who was never afraid to say it like it was, to say, "yeah, ummmm it's not the jeans that make your ass look fat ... your ass is just fat". God, I miss her. I miss her everyday. I miss her kids who were so much a part of me that they seemed like my own. I miss phoning her in a crisis and ending the conversation laughing so hard we would cry.
Sadly, I miss my friend, not because she is dead, but because someone who was supposed to love her wanted her dead. He tried and thankfully did not succeed. However, because of his heinous act she and her children were removed from their lives and given new ones. So for all intents and purposes they are dead to those who knew and loved them. I think knowing that they are out there somewhere but not knowing where and being unable to contact them is in some ways more difficult to deal with than if they truly were gone. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad they are alive and well; I wish them nothing but health and longevity... but I miss her so much, I wish I could visit.
I promised her I would tell her story. I promised her that what happened to her would matter, and it wouldn't be for naught. I promised her that I would use my words to reach even just one woman in that situation...to give one woman the courage to take a stand and say "I am worth more than this and I won't tolerate your beatings anymore". I gave her my word, my word is my honor, so for her I will conquer my fear and I will write.
I will write, I will remember... I am sure I will cry buckets of tears, but I will counter them with belly laughs so deep I can forgo my ab workout. I will do it because I love my friend.