Falling off the Face of the Blog World

I have been very absent lately. It's just been soooo darn nice out in these parts. I've been keeping busy with work, outside at home and my daughters, no excuse I know, but I'm using it anyway.

On top of that, I seem to be having some sort of writer's block thing going on. I don't know what to write about, and not just on here, I haven't been able to write period. It is like my mind is too cluttered, so I've been working on cleaning out my thought drawers.

I have taken some really beautiful pictures while I've been away from here. As soon as I upload them I will share.

I just wanted to let the few readers that I do have...I'm still here. Just struggling with what to write.

Be back soon.

Insomnia...Grrrrr

I could just kick myself right now. It is 01:23, and my alarm is set to go off at 05:15...and I'm still up. It is probably my own fault to some degree, I drank an extra large double double at my writing group tonight. That probably wasn't a good idea, however, it usually doesn't affect me to this degree.

I have been suffering restless legs tonight as well. I worked out yesterday and my muscles have not been liking me all day. I decided this excess weight has GOT to go NOW!!! Sometimes I fantasize about taking a knife and cutting the excess flubber off, whittling and sculpting until I'm happy... but seriously that's gross and I would never do that. I just think about it.

Right now I'm thinking about how tired I'm going to be tomorrow. I'm annoyed that I'm not sleeping yet.

What do you do when you can't sleep? Obviously I turn the computer on and sit in the dark, blogging.

Ahhhhhh Moments

It is a Saturday, a lazy Saturday at that. I'm sitting here, mentally doing everything I need to do today, however I haven't quite found that physical motivation. My coffee is tasting too good right now.

My daughters have decided to make some lunch, using a cookbook my youngest received at school. Sitting here listening to them work together, cooperate with each other, discuss the process and laugh together is an Ahhhhhhh Moment.

I love Ahhhhh Moments, they make my heart feel good, they make it sing. It is truly a take-a-deep-breath-and-sigh-with-a-smile-on-my-face moment. All is good in the world today.

What are your Ahhhh Moments?

For Dummies...

I love the "For Dummies..." series. Today I purchased Photoshop for Dummies, the all-in-one desk reference version... 9 books in one!!!

I am having fun. I am learning and BOY are my photos going to look great!

First I took this photo...



I made it to a grey scale and then I put "some" color back in using the gradient tool. I REALLY like how it turned out.
Look...



I had so much fun doing that one so I decided to fix one that came out too dark.

Here's the original:



I love this photo but I found it to be too dark for my liking. So I "fixed" it using the shadow/highlight tool.

Here's the end result:



Here is my attempt to make her eyes "pop" following the directions from the photography section of Pioneer Woman .





As it stands I'm still learning, and judging by the thickness of this book I will be for a while.

I am pleased with my first two forays into the Photoshop world and look forward to those yet to come.

Assume = Me U Ass

In my prior rant blog today I made an assumption that was unfair to someone.

Without going into details, as they are too personal to share, I had a wee bit of a neurotic insecure moment. I allowed past slights and hurts to rule my head/emotions when it came to someone else. (My opinion of the Internet dating world remains unchanged however, but the catalyst for that blog does not deserve that judgement)

Fortunately this individual recognized where the fears were founded and what prompted them. This individual even went so far as to say that this was part of who I am, part of what he treasured and respected in me... he referred to it as my battle scars.

I learned a valuable lesson today. Assuming, jumping to conclusions...leaping before looking, whatever you want to call it usually leads one in the wrong direction.

It is definitely time to bite the bullet and take a leap of faith. It's not truly risk taking unless you let go of all past fears and hurts. I have to believe that not all men are the same and there truly ARE good ones left. It is now time to take that step snd trust, insecurities and all...because in the end, you just might be pleasantly surprised!

Thank you PEL, you are amazing!

Internet Dating

I was a member (until very recently) of an online dating site. It was the only totally free dating site out there, supposedly. This would mean I received exactly what I "paid" for and it also explains the clientele. When I first joined I was quite excited, thinking that it would be a good way to "shop" around and weed out the jerks. WRONG!!!

While it does offer variety and selection, it also allows the wolves to pose more cunningly in the sheeps clothing. It is easier for those who have bad intentions to lure the unsuspecting. I discovered that it doesn't really matter how smart you believe yourself to be either, you can still be taken for a ride so very easily.

I am fairly picky selective in my choices for dating having had enough poor choices in my past. I think I'm fairly street smart, and I classify myself as a good judge of character. I have discovered that being a good judge of character means nothing when dealing with "masks" worn by those online.

People who claim to be looking for "long term" love really aren't. They are looking to see how many they can string along. They will talk to and show interest in someone until they come across a profile that seems to offer something more (most profiles are purposely deceptive in some way to lure people to contact it's author)... bringing us to the age old question "is the grass greener"? I think online dating is akin to turning a small child loose in a candy store full of all the candies of the world and telling him to choose just one.

I've gone on my share of dates, most of them were duds. I've made some really good friends from that site, both female and male. However, yesterday I deleted my profile.

I deleted it because I'm so tired of the energy that it takes from me, the hurt it inflicts on me time and again, and yes I know I probably set myself up for those hurts because I care too much, I'm too soft on the inside and I suppose, to be honest, I wear my heart on my sleeve. But HOW does one stop being themselves. I also admit that I have walls up as a protective mechanism, and letting them down is the most scary thing ever. The other day....the other day I stepped out of my comfort zone, I bared my heart and soul...and now I feel the fool.

Why do people tell others that they are interested, they really like them, they want to pursue things...they text and call often, they make future plans and then.... then they just fall off the face of the earth. There is no "ending" conversation, no reason given. They just suddenly quit taking your calls, quit responding to messages...they just cease to be.

Is it too much to ask that people who participate in online dating retain a modicum of their humanity. Is it too much to ask that they treat others with respect and courtesy. Is it too much to ask that they tell the other person they are not interested, for whatever reason, ESPECIALLY after spending much time talking and plan making. Is it too much to ask?

I became tired of the constant game playing, the dishonesty...basically the garbage dump of online dating destroyed any desire I have to date at this point. No one seems to be looking for long term, monogamous relationships anymore. We truly have become a throw away society, and now we have included our hearts and souls in the expendable pile.

Scaredy-Cat, Scaredy-Cat

Things that scare me:



Snakes...UNnatural to be able to move like that with no legs .... ICKY

Worms...UNnatural to be cut in half, and then in half again and STILL live, although they can "f" themselves having both sex organs,but again UNnatural.

Deadly storms...not ready to die yet

The Dark...not sure why

Loss... self explanatory

Taking leaps of faith with my heart...always the scariest, the memory of a hurt can linger and cause one to not want to take a chance again...but without risk there is never gain.