Sunday, November 16, 2008

Internal Review

Recently some events occurred that caused me to take stock of myself, of who I have become, and I have to say I am not proud of what I discovered.

I have become a bitter, unhappy, judgemental, caustic individual. I have allowed things in life to get to me. I forgot to pick myself up and carry on. I forgot to let go of the bad and the negative. I allowed them to take up residence deep within my psyche, to build and grow and fester until they overtook my "self". They became "me".

I am now working on ridding myself of these horrible parts. I am working on becoming a better person. Working on managing stress better, understanding myself better. Searching for myself and who I truly am, because I am truly not who I am appearing to be these days.

It is hard when you look at yourself and decide that you don't like what you see. When you realize that you must take full ownership and responsibility; you must make necessary changes. Yet it is also exhilarating...to know that once all the hard stuff is over I will have found myself again. I will have found my happy again because right now I've lost it and I don't know where.

I do know where I will begin...stress management. I did not realize how stressed I was until I reached a breaking point... it was a huge wake up call. Recognizing one's own faults is a daunting task, but once done a solution is possible. I choose to better myself... I choose to become the person I once was.

I choose to find my happy again. I choose to care about myself.

I choose the positive.

2 comments:

Mandy said...

best wishes on your journey

Rebecca said...

Jenn, I think you are awesome! And you have been a real, true friend to me. If you are feeling this way, I know you will get back to who you want to be. But I just want to say, I think you are pretty great.

What you are trying to do is so difficult. As you know, I struggle with it too. You are a very strong person. You will be who you want to be, I am sure of it. I'll be pulling for you from afar.