Internal Review

Recently some events occurred that caused me to take stock of myself, of who I have become, and I have to say I am not proud of what I discovered.

I have become a bitter, unhappy, judgemental, caustic individual. I have allowed things in life to get to me. I forgot to pick myself up and carry on. I forgot to let go of the bad and the negative. I allowed them to take up residence deep within my psyche, to build and grow and fester until they overtook my "self". They became "me".

I am now working on ridding myself of these horrible parts. I am working on becoming a better person. Working on managing stress better, understanding myself better. Searching for myself and who I truly am, because I am truly not who I am appearing to be these days.

It is hard when you look at yourself and decide that you don't like what you see. When you realize that you must take full ownership and responsibility; you must make necessary changes. Yet it is also exhilarating...to know that once all the hard stuff is over I will have found myself again. I will have found my happy again because right now I've lost it and I don't know where.

I do know where I will begin...stress management. I did not realize how stressed I was until I reached a breaking point... it was a huge wake up call. Recognizing one's own faults is a daunting task, but once done a solution is possible. I choose to better myself... I choose to become the person I once was.

I choose to find my happy again. I choose to care about myself.

I choose the positive.

Beauty and Time Out

Sometimes when the world seems chaotic...when everything around me seems to be in a state of "going to hell in a hand basket", it is hard to find the good. It is hard to see the beauty in what's around me, especially in people.

Sometimes, I get so tired of doing it all on my own, of being single and responsible for everything. Sometimes I feel frightened that I am destined to be alone forever, that there is no one special person for me. Sometimes those feelings threaten to overwhelm me, to take over the usually optimistic person that I am. Sometimes it is hard to remember to breathe.


So this is when I look to nature for my beauty, my serenity ...my peace.

How inviting does this path look? I had seen it many times in my travels to the hospital on the days that I volunteer, and kept thinking how nice it looked. I wondered where it went. So a couple of weeks ago we went.


This is our provincial flower, the Wild Rose. There were tons of them along this path.

And we saw Bluebells, I haven't seen these since I was a child. They were beautiful!!

Then there is always the wonderment of discovery. I love watching kids when they see something new. What is it that they've found? What could it be?

They saw two ants carting the carcass back to the masses. See the green worm? Two wee ants were working together to take him to their colony. The girls were rather disgusted by this find.

There is something calming about the stillness of a pond when viewed through saplings. (This was taken while on a field trip to Ft. Edmonton with my youngest)




I see beauty in storm clouds. They are mysterious in that you never know what they will bring.

Yet, that beauty brings with it a sense of fear because of that unknown.

The end of the day. The stunning beauty of the sun setting.

Fire in the sky.... the colors take your breath away. You can sigh at the completion of another day.

So when the road seems to long and never ending. When things appear to be too tough, or when the weight of the world threatens to suffocate I will make a different choice.

I will choose the path of beauty and discovery. The path of peace and serenity. The path to re-energize, regroup and reconnect.

I will remember to give my troubles up to a higher power. I will remember to take a pause for me. I will remember that I matter too, and that it is important to not lose myself in the hustle and bustle of daily living. I will remember to take five (See the hand in the sky).