Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there.

Mother's day is bittersweet for me. It's a day that my children want to pamper and spoil me, yet it's also a day that I feel the loss of my own mother so acutely I just want to curl up in the fetal position, alone in the dark until the day is over. Out of love for my own children I resist this urge.

They say the pain of loss lessens with time, and in some ways it does. In others not so much, on special days that pain remains the same.

Perhaps it's because I guilt myself over past transgressions, I wasn't always the best daughter. I'm sure my Mom knew though that no matter how disrespectful I ever got that I loved and admired her above all else.

She was a strong woman, yet she was soft in all the ways that mattered. I can remember her laying with me on my bed, gently stroking my head when I was ill or frightened by a nightmare. It was she who gave up so much so that my brother and I could have all the experiences that our youth offered us. She was the epitome of patience and understanding. She was exactly what a mother is meant to be...she truly was there for me no matter what, no matter the time of day, no matter that I might not live at home anymore. She had the meaning of unconditional love down to a fine art form.

It was she who taught me how to be strong in the face of adversity. How to make lemonade when life hands you lemons. How to laugh at the bumps in this road we call life. How to have courage when you are scared shitless. How to face your fears with your head held high. How to give of yourself. Many of her lessons were not intended, they just were because of who she was. She truly led by example.

So as much as my heart constricts with tears yet to be shed, on this day I will embrace the love of my children and appreciate every moment I am given (after I get home from work of course). I will cherish memories held in my heart and anticipate those yet to be made.

For anyone who has ever lost their Mom, look to the sky, feel the sun upon your face and the breeze in your hair today.... it is her kiss and caress. If you have your Mother with you, call her/visit her, let her know how much she is loved. Anyone who has ever had a child and given it up so that a better life would be had, take a moment today... you ARE a mother and you too know the meaning of sacrifice and unconditional love.

To ALL the Mother's across this land and beyond... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom.... I love you and miss you every day.