Heartspeak

A very dear friend of mine asked me to read a note she'd written, and to let her know what I thought. As I read what she had written, I recognized the words, I recognized the feelings... they mirrored mine almost exactly. Her words were beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. With her permission I share her words with you:

Dear Past:As I was sitting today reflecting on a passing comment made to me the other day, something came to me. The comment was "I don't even know you anymore!" This has really gotten me to thinking. You are right, you don't know me anymore. In fact, you never really did. I found the remark kind of ironic, because for the last couple of years, neither do I.

So, since hearing this remark, I have been spending most of my time trying to figure out where exactly it was that I lost myself. There is no answer to that I discovered. It was not one single event or moment; it was a culmination of many. For a long time I have been blaming my loss of self on you, my past. I thought that I had changed as a person due to the loss, abuse, heartbreak, fear and betrayal that I have endured. I had spent many hours wondering why does this happen to me, when will I be happy, what did I do to deserve this?? I now know the answer to that. I haven’t changed at all, besides growing wiser, I just forgot who I was.

Bit by bit, day by day you stole little pieces of me. Or so I thought. I learned to expect disappointment, rejection, pain, I was sure if I put myself out there that I would surely be hurt again. I created walls….a hard shell and I would rarely show what was hidden beneath to anyone. As the years went on it became easy to blame my fears on you. It was your fault. I forgot who I was too.

I realize now that it was your own fears and insecurities and lack of self worth that caused you to chip away at mine. It was life. Life is hard and situations happen. There are good people and bad people and I would allow anyone into my life, because I always felt that everyone deserves a chance. I was so arrogant that I thought I could save everyone. Pain is inevitable, everyone feels it. I was strong, confident, happy and had very clear goals. These characteristics are what drew every situation and person to me in the first place. But through this all, you broke me down into someone I no longer knew, but into someone you could control. It took a long time but eventually you succeeded, I forgot who I was.

I still really don’t know how I allowed this to happen. I was a person who had no fear, I lived life to the fullest, I loved with my whole heart and never turned away from someone in need. I loved myself and everyone around me. I knew that I could do anything that I put my mind to. I knew that I deserved respect, and I demanded it. That is who I was raised to be!

You took this from me with your mental and physical abuse, your betrayals, your lies and your lack of respect! So all this time, I have blamed you, my past, when in fact, I have no one to blame but myself, I allowed this to happen. I had become my own worst enemy. I had a choice and I chose to take this lying down. I acted like a victim. I am not a victim, I am a fighter! I fought for you, for my friends, for my family, for the little lost puppy but, I forgot to fight for the most important thing….myself.

Coming to this realization has completely changed my outlook. Life may have handed me shitty cards from time to time, but I didn’t deserve it……..I allowed it to make me lose myself. So dear past, I forgive you. And, no, you don’t know me at all! But I do!!!

Written by Joanne Schock June 7/09

Thank you my dear, dear Jo Hanna for sharing that with me and for allowing me to share it here. Thank you for giving voice to the girl inside me, the girl who sometimes wonders who am I and where do I fit.

Shout Out For a GREAT Customer Service!!!

Lately it seems as though we are surrounded by terrible customer service. No one seems to care anymore, they are just a warm body filling a space, collecting a paycheck. Recently I had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of some stellar customer service and I wanted to give the company a shout out. Perhaps anyone in need of the product they sell will be inclined to use their services.

My Dad started renovating his house shortly after my Mom passed away as something to keep him busy and occupy his mind. He has been plugging away at it for almost five years. Somewhere over the course of these years he purchased some ceramic tile to do the back splash in the kitchen. Fast forward to now.

He had installed his granite counter tops and began to install the ceramic tile. To his dismay he was short tiles and went to pick up some more. Uh oh... there were none to be found. He even checked in my city when he came to visit this past weekend, although he was fairly certain that he was not going to find any as the store in his hometown had told him that they were discontinued. Of course there were none in my city either.

I emailed the manufacturer with the model, color number, etc to inquire as to where these tiles might be found.

Celso Menezes, the general manager of the company emailed me back within a day. He told me that he had checked and the tiles were discontinued, however he was showing a couple of boxes in his warehouse and would ship them to my Dad free of charge. He was also willing to ship color samples to be sure they matched. I called my Dad and he was very happy. He said that he would make the tiles work even if the dye lots were a little off.

I got back to Celso Menezes to provide him with the shipping information and assured him that we would certainly be looking to his company first for any future tile needs. He told me that he would let me know as soon as the 4 boxes of tiles shipped to my father (2 plain and 2 w/the center design).

I am humbled by the generosity of this company, by the expedient nature of their reply and by their willingness to go that extra mile to ensure customer satisfaction and happiness. To say I am impressed would be an understatement. THIS ladies and gentlemen is what customer service is about, it's not that yawning teenager behind the counter grimacing because he has to actually earn his pay.

Here is the link for the company:

http://www.cecrisa.com.br/index_ingles.html

They are based in Brazil so the site may come up in a foreign language, but down on the left side you can click for English.

Thank you again Celso Menezes and Cecrisa ... you truly brightened my day!!

Energy Muse Bracelet

This entry is WAY over due, I apologize Debra.



Quite some time back I won this bracelet from Debra @ Four Angels Momma . If you've never visited Debra's blog I strongly suggest you do. Her words come from the heart and her content is always relevant to what is going on in your world on that particular day. Her words are always timely and meaningful. I believe that Debra has been given the gift of being a vessel for a higher realm, to impart wisdom and beauty in a world that all too often feels ugly and without meaning. I feel honored to be given the gift of her words each time I read her blog. Debra is truly a special individual.


When Debra had her give away for this bracelet, I knew I had to have it. I was so very happy when she notified me that I'd won, but because of her good heart she decided to give away two of the bracelets. If you are not familiar with Energy Muse bracelets I encourage you to visit their site. Each piece they sell serves a purpose. When Debra mailed the bracelets to the winners she indicated that she was sure the right bracelet would find the correct owner. She couldn't have known how true that was. The one I received is a grounding bracelet. Lately I've needed some grounding, to be reminded of what matters and what I can let go of. Of what I can change and thus should fight for and what I can't change and should just rid myself of. Each time I look at this bracelet I am reminded that miles away, on the coast of California there is a woman who cares and who is wise beyond anything. I am reminded to stop and breathe. To see the beauty in the world around me, and within me. I am reminded to love my feet (stay grounded, rooted).


I believe all things have energy and those energies can affect us in a positive or negative way. Perhaps it is because of this belief that this bracelet holds such meaning for me. I find myself searching for positive energies and ridding myself of negative energies. I am going through a cleansing phase, taking stock and ridding myself of dead weight. The city dump is going to love me!!! Spiritually as well as physically I am cleansing. Like Dharma I will find my bliss.


I just wanted to take this moment to thank Debra for being who she is. For sharing her inner beauty with all of us who choose to read her blog. For imparting her wisdom to us in such an uncannily timely manner. If I am ever offered the opportunity to walk on the beach searching for sea glass with this lady I will jump at the chance. She is definitely in my top ten list of people that I would love to share a pot of tea with!

My Apologies

I have been in a funk of sorts lately.

Not sure why, there really is no one reason. Lately it seems as though life has piled up and I have felt overwhelmed and somewhat alone in my quest for balance. Due to this state of being I haven't felt like writing, I feared that anything that came from my inner self at this point would be negative and not worth reading...so I have been avoiding my blog.

I'm hoping to soon feel more like blogging.

Plugged toilet ... cause: RAGS

We recently moved offices to a MUCH older building, which is fine, don't get me wrong. However, in the two weeks that we have been here the women's toilet has plugged and overflowed on three occasions. Unfortunately when it plugs and overflows the inconvenience doesn't just affect the women, it also affects the parts guy downstairs ... the water drips into his area. Niiiice!

Three times the plumbers have attended to the problem. On the last occasion they pulled out a little something on the end of their roto rooter jobbie thing. Now of course being a male plumber he just dealt with the first man he could find. Men being men they oooohed and aaaahed over the finding. Then the plumber left.

The man he had dealt with told me that the roto rooter had pulled rags out.

Fast forward two days. An email arrives from my direct supervisor, apparently we women are NOT to flush our tampons anymore because that is what is plugging the toilet. Also, refrain from using the nice, soft paper towels as toilet paper... of course this was said tongue in cheek. I emailed her back and said that it would be interesting to know just WHO was flushing tampons cuz this past week I've been the only one using that bathroom and I know I haven't been blessed with Aunt Flo's presence. And as for the paper towel being used as toilet paper ... well I like it rough but I'll try to refrain from that pleasure whilst at work.

I was annoyed that men upon hearing "rags" as the cause immediately pinned the blame on female sanitary products. I spoke the the guy who dealt with the plumber and he said the rags the plumber pulled out were shop type hand wipes used by mechanic types ..... hmmmmmm seeing as how the men's washroom is up-pipe from the woman's bathroom would you not deduce that the men are flushing things they shouldn't be?? Of course not, it's much simpler to blame the women.

I don't usually cry sexist... but really ... c'mon.

Oh and for the record..this is not a new problem, was happening before we arrived on the scene!!

Stranded ...

I came to Calgary yesterday to attend a family get together at my brother's house. When I left my house the temperatures were balmy, very spring like. They remained so even after I go to Calgary. Then I heard news that horrified me... they had issued a winter storm warning. As I looked to the clear blue sky I thought surely they must be joking!!!

I went to bed with visions of this in my head:

I was anticipating the arrival of spring and all that I have planned. I could taste it ... it was sooooo close. The snow was melting, the air was warming, the geese were back and I could hear the beautiful chirping of the birds who had been missing for so long.

In fact, on the drive to Calgary and once we had arrived I couldn't help but notice the barren brown of theland. It needs to green up soon I thought... the time is here!!!

I wouldn't allow my spring dreams to be dashed by a mere weatherman's bleak outlook, I mean really how often are they right, and hadn't we had enough winter.... hadn't we????

So I went to bed.

I awoke.

TO THIS SIGHT:

My brother grilled our dinner on here last night....

AND THIS ONE:

There was no snow on this deck yesterday...NONE...NOT ONE FLAKE...

AND THIS:

I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to scream and gnash my teeth. I wanted to sit down and cry rivers of tears. This storm effectively stranded me in Calgary. The highways are not in good condition, my truck is too light and frankly, I'm not brave enough to chance it. I was supposed to be seeing my boyfriend tonight, however that may not happen because I can't get home :o((

I know that being safe is more important and there will be other days to see him... but seriously ... winter needs to get lost ...NOW!!!!

I've had enough. I am cranky now. I am tired of white. I want color.

And this tree... this one right here:

Yeah, it was ready to weep this morning as well. It too wants winter to GO FAR AWAY!!!! It wants to spring forth with it's many buds and color the world a happy green.

I am so sick of winter.

If I call you Calgon ...will you take me away??

Cute Stuff

Not much to say today... but I did want to share this because it is too funny.

I received a text from my youngest daughter today.

It said:

"Can I have a breado"

I'm reading it, thinking breado...WTF is a breado? I was sitting at my desk repeatedly whispering "breado" to myself trying to figure it out. My co-workers were poised to call the men in white coats ... we only live 25 minutes from the provincial mental hospital so they could have come quickly. I sounded like I was playing that game where you repeatedly say a gibberish phrase until it makes sense (can't remember the name of the game offhand).

Suddenly it made sense!!!!

Breado ... breado ....BREADO ...BURRITO!!!!

She wanted a burrito.

*sigh*

I texted back ...A burrito? Yes you may.

I call myself Mom.